On the Lighter Side...

Heaven knows there isn’t much to laugh about in the news these days, yet laughter is what we most need sometimes to feel refreshed and ready to carry on. I don’t usually advise comparing ourselves with others…but I might make an exception in this case. Many of my life and career coaching clients second guess themselves some of the time, especially in anxiety-producing situations like job interviews, but trust me, they have never said anything as foolish as the people quoted in this story from CNN and Career Builders.com--and neither, I'm sure, have you. Here is “43 Weird Things Said in Job Interviews:”

Hiring managers are amazed by what job applicants say during interviews.

"I'm not wanted in this state."

"How many young women work here?"

"I didn't steal it; I just borrowed it."

"You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!"

"I've never heard such a stupid question."

Believe it or not, the above statements weren't overhead in bars or random conversations -- they were said in job interviews.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/worklife/07/22/cb.you.said.what.interview/

Soulful Work = Harmony with Your Values

How well does your work conform to your personal values and strengths? If you are burning out or simply feeling a disconnect somewhere in your work, consider whether you are able to express your ideals while making a living.

Does your work reflect who you are? Does it honor what you most care about, your strengths and values? In other words, is it in harmony with your soul? Margaret Benefiel writes about Soulful Leadership. In a recent post about Bernie Madoff, she posed some provocative questions:

"We need to ask ourselves regularly: Are my choices today strengthening my soul or eroding it? In what ways are my choices making me the person I want to be? In what ways am I choosing a path that results in my being less than my best self? How can I get the support I need to make better choices? (Leaders on the slippery slope to disaster are notoriously isolated.)"

Although Margaret Benefiel’s focus in this essay was Bernie Madoff’s morality, I think these questions transcend “mere” morality; it’s more about living in harmony with your whole, true self. That is, does your work mesh with how you see yourself—and who you want to be?

Don’t be scared off by these questions. We’re not talking about Cosmic Perfection here. And we are certainly not being elitist. These questions apply whether you are the CEO of a major corporation or if you're a blue-collar worker. I know waitresses and truck drivers who are living their values. In contrast, being in situations that are at odds with how you want to see yourself is like swimming upstream. It's exhausting—and guaranteed to burn you out. It's the opposite of “flow.” The goal is to be moving toward a greater harmony with your ideal life and work. Are you moving in the right direction: toward your values?

Connie DiStasi Hillman, MSW, MA
New Leaf Coaching
http://www.newleafcoachingonline.com

Priming the Pump

For every action there's a reaction

I had forgotten how good it feels, just to step out and "do something." Yesterday my creative juices got flowing following Connie's terrific step at starting our blog. Once we took the leap to put ourselves out there the former "perfectionist fear" didn't keep me stuck. Suddenly great ideas started to come, ideas borne out of a need to share and serve what I have learned from my years as a practicing psychologist and from the short years of learning about the "art of coaching."

When do we ever decide we are 'ready enough' ? Of course the extreme example is that of the artist or scholar who labors over a work for decades only to find piles of canvases or manuscripts gathering dust for they were never quite good enough.

I have recently been introduced to the process of peer review in writing. In the teaching of writing, many folks now have students collaborate and share their work. Through that process they begin to build a rubric in order to evaluate the work. I was reminded over dinner last week by an artist, that art students have been doing that forever. They have become accustomed to putting their work 'out there' to benefit from the comments and reactions of their peers.

So, this blog is a place for us at Coaches Collaborative to do some primary process writing and for anyone in the world to jump in and join us. This process will let you know who we are, how we think, and perhaps we will all be motivated to jump ahead and do the things we might have not done before.

Here's to priming the pump ! 

Good enough Mother? Good enough Coach?

After pouring through books on mothering, a unique and liberating concept warmed my heart: the good enough mother. Ah, finally something I could attach too.

I didn't need to be a perfect mom, a super mom, I just had to be a good enough mom. That idea makes tasks manageable. I can be a good enough coach, psychologist, candle maker. Somehow taking away that perfectionism allows me to venture in. I have permission not to be finished, not to have all my t's crossed and i's dotted.

When I think of my own perfectionism I view myself as frozen in time and space. Nothing gets done or accomplished ! Nothing to show for my time and energy in paralyzed land. Indeed isn't that wonderfully safe?

So, I am joining Connie in sticking my neck out. 

My new mantra has two parts: anything worth doing is worth doing poorly....and, more importantly, "I am enough !"

Perfectionism vs. Burnout: When is Good Enough Really Good Enough?

A friend of mine told me recently that she has adopted the saying, “Good enough,” as a sort of mantra to describe her progress on work projects. It enables her to move forward on tasks and let go of the tyranny of perfectionism.

In the abstract, this should be liberating. Yea! This post, for example, doesn’t have to be perfect, right? It just needs to be “good enough” to get a point across and start a conversation going. However, it’s not that easy, is it? How do we ever know what actually is good enough? What seems at first like a cry of freedom, may end up feeling like an insult. After all, who among us wants to settle for good enough? Is it “settling,” or lowering our standards to declare something is good enough? Does it mean we are letting go of unnecessary, self-imposed pressure, or are we simply giving up?

Perhaps the answer lies in our enthusiasm for what we are doing. Are we striving for excellence, and giving up our perfectionism in a healthy way, or are we so burned out that we don’t even care about the “good” part anymore and cry, “Enough!” as in “Enough already. Let me out of here?” I think we generally know the difference. It’s a matter of energy. Does this thing I’m doing fill me up with passionate energy—or drain it out of me? Next time you say, “Good enough,” ask yourself where is your energy and enthusiasm.

Connie DiStasi Hillman, LICSW
Life and Career Coach
New Leaf Coaching
http://www.newleafcoachingonline.com